I’m sure it doesn’t come as a surprise to you that most women dismiss the
importance of skilled, ahem, handiwork. After all, we figure you’ve been
doing that to yourself for decades, what could we possibly bring to the
masturbation table that you haven’t already done a few thousand times? And
so we ignore it and moved on to other things. Now, you generally don’t mind
this – and definitely encourage such a progression! – but a few years ago, I
decided to look at it differently…

You boys must really love the way a skilled pair of hands feels because you
spend so much time stroking it yourselves. Some of you have even developed a
6 times-a-day habit! And so I set out to acquire the level of
exper*tease*to make your own cock-strumming feel amateurish. Thanks to
the racy wonders
of craigslist, I waded through the predictable slurry of “let’s just meet
and I’ll teach you” emails and, lo and behold, found a young man who was
quite obviously a fetishist about hand-jobs. I met up with him two or three
times for a couple of hours and brought my straight-A student attitude. My
instructor and guinea pig turned out to be puffy, pale and high-voiced (a
much better candidate for a little coy humiliation, really), but boy did he
know his hand magic!

So here’s my favorite technique to start with, whether it’s on the phone or
on the couch, or floor, or bed, or anywhere I else I think I can get away
with it.

The first thing I have you do is sensitize the head of your cock and wake up
alllll the nerve endings. In a move I call The Head Swirl, you start by
fully extending your fingers and tautening the palm of one hand. Pour some
lotion right in the center of your flattened palm, then, while holding your
shaft with your other hand, tap the head of your cock with the cool lotion.
Very, very lightly, gyrate your palm over the very tip in slow little
circles – you should notice heightened sensation within half a minute. Mmm….
Now tilt that hand all around the cockhead, expanding the circle so that no
part of your head is left unloved. Remember, extremely light, feathery
contact! I know, it sounds so simple and yet the rush of sensation at your
own light touch will have you moaning in the same way you do after your
first taste of a decadent dessert – yes, that anticipation of more and more.

As a footnote to my strange-but-true introduction to the world of male
masturbation… would you believe I still get emails from boys to whom I gave
one hand-job (and nothing more!) years ago? Apparently, they still fantasize
about it, to the point where they use the memory to get through an
unsatisfying round of “real sex”. Now if that doesn’t speak volumes about
the quality of a guided masturbation session with me, I’m not sure what

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